Allowing myself. . .

Tonight I "allowed myself" to think/feel about things that I have been actively trying to block. This has led to missing someone. . .and wishing that feelings were requited. I'm just still confused about a good deal of things surrounding this topic. It has not been discussed at any great length for weeks until the subject was breached on the bus on the way home yesterday. Things I wonder about:
*why do I have (still have) these feelings?
*why were certain things said if there were no intentions?
*is there anything else I can do?
*how long will I continue to be "stuck" in this mindset?

Thankfully, I'm not miserable - as I had been in previous months from time to time about this, but I still have a "hole" or what not that aches when I "allow" myself to really think about this. Sigh. Man.

Me, at work!

My friend, Heather, who comes with a class to my classroom each day this "rotation", took this picture of me the other day during class. YAY! (my first picture of me while teaching . . .in at least a couple years)

The Temple

Yesterday I went to the temple. It was a great trip. We rode on buses. I got to talk to President Watt - whose talked I discussed in an earlier post. It was really great talking to him. He's super easy to talk to, makes sense, and has good insight. We talked about various life issues - relationships, his kids, my kid, art, music, teaching, etc. Fun Times! I also got to know the Rains from Brunswick. I had met Miranda at Girls Camp this summer, but we didn't really talk much. That was fun. We did two sessions at the temple, and that was great. LONG day, but amazing. :)

Which Twilight Character. . .

You're Esme Cullen - Your maternal instinct to take care of people and be kind draw people towards you. You're compassionate and loving, yet firm when you need to be. You appreciate hard work and value the beautiful results of your dedication to any project.

At the Greenway

My "Child of Light"

A Leaf

Jacob's beautiful, fall-colored hair

us

big six-year old Jacob

thoughtful

I miss. . .

I miss. I kinda wish I didn't. But, I do. I think life would be easier if I didn't. And it's not a constant thing. But right now. . .I do. [.]

How it feels. . .

Sometimes it seems that the kids at school are all yelling my name. . .and it drives me CRAZY! So - I videoed them all doing it - for real. :)

Rainbow in Jesup

Friday evening there was a rainbow - - I haven't seen one in a long time - and I've never gotten a picture of one. I was driving. . .so it's not too clear, but I'm still excited about it.

Dinner Tonight

At dinner at my house tonight: Elders Anderton & Oberg, my mom and dad, the Poluses (spelled?), Dan (their friend), Jacob, and myself. We had spaghetti (I made), salad, bread (my mom brought), banana bread (I made), pound cake (Mrs. Polus made), and soda (the Elders brought). It was a really good time. Then we all watched "Finding Faith in Christ" and chatted after-wards. It has been a great missionary-minded week. :)

Jacob

I am working on cleaning "this evening" (it's really 1:49am. . . ) and listening to Janice Kapp Perry songs. This sets the stage for much thought about my life and my son.






He is amazing. I love him so much and am so thankful for him. I have no idea what I would be without him. His very existence motivates me more than anything else could. We have been through a lot together - and will continue to. He is so smart, and creative, and silly, and cute, and and and. This morning we wrote notes to each other as he woke up - and he started it. I had been playing with him trying to get him to say, "good morning" back to me - as he pretended to still be asleep. Finally, he stood up - got the post-its Mrs. Taylor had given him the other day and wrote, "Hllo." I wrote back, "Do you mean 'good morning'?" and he wrote back "yes" etc. It was very cute. (And educational. :)

Here's some more pics from our time together so far. :)

Another drawing. . .

Funny. And Sweet.

A child drew this on the back of her paper. . .

Yay for me. :)

So - I gave MC the BOM this morning. . .it didn't go quite how I planned, but that's ok. I had wrapped it up - - so that I could give it to her as a "gift" and have her open it "later" - but when she saw that it was a book, she was like, "Is it a journal." "no." "can I open it now?" "no." . . . "is this a Mormon book?" "(smiling/like a kid being shy)yes." She said something similar to, "I can't wait to take this with me to my church on Sunday!" I said, "Don't be making fun of me and my church to your church." She assured me that they "don't do that. ever."
BUT - I am super proud of myself. I don't know that I have ever done that before. (SAD, huh?) So - I'm excited to go to PMG class in the morning and report of my following through-ness. Also - I am supposed to be feeding the missionaries, my parents and an investigating family tomorrow evening. . .which means= I MUST CLEAN MY HOUSE!!!!
Tonight, Tracy and I went to Hinesville to eat, then rented "Baby Mama," and watched most of it with Sam. I didn't see the end, because I felt I needed to get my child and go on home. So. I did. I will finish the movie later. (Hopefully tomorrow!)
Good Night!

TGI almost F

TODAY:
5:30 - Alarm went off/Hit snooze
5:40 - Alarm went off/Hit snooze
5:42 - Got out of bed. Canceled snooze.
- Bathed/Dressed/checked email/ate


6:26 - Picked out Jacob's clothes, woke him up, encouraged morning routine (dress/eat/etc)
7:15 - Headed to school - got Jacob there as his bus was leaving. Flagged down bus driver and successfully got him on the bus.



7:20-8:10 - planned/got stuff ready/confirmed that I would be alone this morning.
8:10-9:05 - Class 1 whew. Realized I was in an awful mood.
9:05-10:05 - Class 2 Struggled through awful mood. Took some Exedrin Tension Headache.



10:10-11:05 - Class 3 Vented to parapro there with special needs students. "My" parapro was released to come to my room about 5 minutes before this class ended.
11:07 - drove to my house to check the mail - hoping for student loan refund. NOPE. Called GCU. Found out they plan to mail checks September 15. GRRRRrrrr.
11:10 - back at school. Called dad. Ate left over enchiladas/chips from last night. Played/talked with MC, DD, and SH.
11:45-12:40 Class 4. Went well.
12:45-1:40 Class 5. Better.
1:45-2:40 Class 6 - Not great. Whew. Thank goodness I took the Exedrine! :)
2:40-2:53ish - babysat "2nd wave" bus riders in the gym. Had to hold them because of potential rainy day schedule.
2:55 - Got Jacob from the bus. Thankfully he had a "great" day and was able to get his YoYo.



3-4pm - listened to/sympathized with/vented to DD
4-6pm - went home. found out my water had been turned off because I'm ummmm. . .uhhhh. . .(trying not to say anything too negative). . . I didn't pay the bill. Went and paid the bill. Neighborhood kid/student showed up at the house. Jacob played with him until it was time to leave for curriculum night. MB called while I was on the way there. Talked to him until I was walking in.
6-7pm- Sat/listened in Jacob's classroom at curriculum night.
7-10pm - went to walmart to buy small treats for students tomorrow - their last day in music until after christmas/did laundry/made beds/wrote in BOM to give to MC at school tomorrow/helped Jacob do homework/assisted Jacob as needed with his bath/encouraged night time routine/got him to sleep/ate a bowl of cereal/dumped day into blog. YAY!!!!



WHEW. :) Now I'm ready for a fresh Friday!!! YAY!!!! I am bound and determined to have an extraordinary day tomorrow. And I even already have a babysitter lined up. WOW. That's extremely abnormal for me!!!! Tracy and I are going to hit the town. Not our town, I'm sure - -but some town! Yay!

Practicing Borders. . .

So - there's probably an easier way to do this, but learning a little HTML can't hurt. . .so I'm practicing borders. . .bear with me. :)

New Hair

I let Tracy cut my hair off last night. I'm pretty happy with how it's turned out. Here's some pics:

Jacob Reading

So - I really hadn't heard Jacob read in awhile. Therefore, tonight I asked him to read me a book at bedtime. He picked "Vote For Spongebob" (very fitting, I might add with the current Presidential campaign right now. . .lol) So - he was doing such a good job, that I decided to video some of it:

Check out this video: Jacob Reading "Vote For Spongebob"



He's so smart! He just was just tested and qualified for the gifted program since school has started back. I'm so proud of him. Tonight before going to sleep, I was in my bed and he was in his, and we played by giving each other math problems - he did an awesome job! and we played 20 questions. He is amazing.